"Feed My Sheep"
"Go and Go Now"

In Nov. 1985 I became a born-again Christian, 7 weeks later I received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit while sitting alone in my living room. After reading the account of Pentecost, (while insisting to myself that it must still be for today) I heard the sound of a rushing Mighty Wind that went around the whole house and I was knocked back in my recliner with a blinding Light and began speaking in tongues; it was like a gushing fountain that began overflowing up and out.

Shortly thereafter, I began attending an independent Full-Gospel local church (I had no experience with various denominations and new nothing about their different doctrinal beliefs.)

The pastor directed all new Christians to "pray & seek the LORD to find out what their ministry was" -but when I did so, the LORD rebuked me by His Spirit saying: "THERE IS ENOUGH: "I, ME, AND MY IN MINISTRY," -why don't you pray, and I will do." The LORD directed me to: "Go to the Church (each day) and Pray." When I asked if I should "pray at home" instead, by His Spirit He said: "My House shall be called a House of Prayer."
So I began going to the church to pray each day.

I was praying alone at the church a few weeks later when the LORD showed me a gigantic angel standing over the earth with one foot on either side of the earth. The angel was holding a huge sword in his hands which was raised high above his head -the sword was about to come swiftly down upon the land. (I had never read much of Bible (then) and I had no idea what I was looking at or why.) I was so impressed I was seeing something "spiritual" I enthusiastically asked: "Wow, LORD -what is that?!" The LORD by His Spirit said: "It is the sword coming upon the land."

Quite ignorantly I said: "that's nice, LORD -what does it mean?" The LORD said: "Judgment." Since I really had no idea what that meant either, I asked: "Judgment?" He said: "Yes,Judgment -to My people."

"To YOUR people? I asked." He said: "Yes to MY people." Then He (showed me an ant running around in the palm of a huge and) said: "not like you would take crush it (the ant) but like this (showing a Hand blocking the path of the ant as it tried to run out of the plam of a Hand) He said: lovingly turn and re-direct it." I asked why He was showing this to me and the LORD said: "Go, tell the pastor and his wife what you have just seen and heard."

The pastor & his wife were in a room down the hall sorting donated items & clothing for a rummage sale, separating things to take to Mexico.

Wondering what it all meant, I calmly went into the next room and very matter-of-factly told the pastor & his wife what I had seen and heard -as I had been directed to do.

First they looked stunned, then they looked at me with the once over raised eyebrow look, AS IF wondering if I was some kind "of a flake, or what." I went home wondering why they looked at me like that; I innocently thought: since they were God's anointed & appointed leadership surely they would know what it was about. On the way home, I asked the LORD: did I do what you told me? He said: Yes. I asked: did I do it right, LORD? He said: Yes. I asked: " then WHY did they look at me like that? ...He said nothing.

All I wanted was to obey the Lord, I did not ask Him to show me these things. I went to the church to pray. I have congenital spinal cord problems, (cord damage + six disks removed) and I was glad to have (praying) something good to do.

A few weeks later, I was again praying at the Church alone when the LORD said: "the end of all flesh has once again come before Me."

I thought to myself, "wait, isn't that what you said to Noah before the Flood? O' LORD ...could we talk about this?" (I'm serious. That's exactly what I thought and before I even realized what I was thinking in terms of WHO I was speaking to, it came out of my mouth!)

Then the Holy Spirit directed me, saying: "pray (say), spare thy people O'Lord" (so I did) and the response I heard was: "Wherefore?" It sounded like the Voice of Thunder rolling through eternity! I asked the Holy Spirit, "LORD what do I answer?" and the Holy Spirit directed me, say: "Not for our sake, but for Thy Name sake." (which I immediately did.)

None of this made any sense to me at all and for the life of me I could not imagine why the LORD would be saying these things but I continued to pray and decided to keep these things to myself.

One morning during a women's intercessory prayer meeting -the LORD gave me a vision of seven churches (I had not yet read the Bible through and had no idea what I was being shown or what any of these things could mean.)

He showed me seven churches all in the local community. They were different denominations (but like I said, I had no idea what they taught) As I knelt there still praying, the LORD showed me the same seven buildings all a second time, one at a time and then altogether. All the churches were painted over white, all the signs (in front of the churches) were all painted over white and all the doors were open.

At the end of the prayer meeting, the woman who led the meeting asked if anyone had been given anything of the LORD to share -so I described what I had seen. We decided that the "white" must represent the "glory of God" and that the vision must mean that all the churches were going to set aside their differences and become one in the glory of God.

A couple of months later while I was praying, by His Spirit the LORD said: "Go speak into the ears of the Leaders of My people" (declare unto them their sins...) and the LORD SAID: tell the pastors, the leaders of my people: "Let My people go"

Since I had not yet read the Bible through at that time, I ignorantly asked the Lord: "Isn't that what you told Moses? And then, I also asked the LORD: could you send someone else? I'm just a new Believer, they're not going to listen to me. I don't understand any of this; YOU know how dense/dumb I am. I asked the LORD: Could you please send Jimmy Swaggart or James Robison or someone else, -send someone they already know, someone they WILL listen to? He said: "do not say that."

I continued to try to reason with the Lord, I said: "LORD no one is going to listen to me, how are they going to know it's You?" He said: "Hold out your hands" As I did so, I felt something being placed in my hands -so I asked, what are You giving me?" He said: "I have given you My rod and My staff. Go." I said IGNORANTLY: "That's nice (meaning: thankx a lot LORD) but I don't know what that means, what are they for, what good they are to me? -and what do You mean: "Let My people Go?" And the LORD said: "The pastors have become as pharaoh in My sight."

I thought to myself "great, clear as mud" (and I thought, that's not a very nice thing for the LORD to say about the pastors...) I prayed: "LORD You know they are NOT going to like hearing THAT -and they will not believe me." Wondering to myself, I prayed (asked) "how can You tell me to go tell them something I don't understand, they're going to ask me WHY would You say THAT?" (I complained) I am a nobody, they will not listen to me.

When I asked the LORD how the leadership would know it was the LORD, HE SAID: "Put out your hand" (I did so) and when I looked at my hand, which had become deathly white, ghastly looking. SEEING the way my hand looked, I cried out to the LORD: What is THAT? He said: "Leprosy" And I said: "Oh God, LORD: PLEASE: Get rid of it!" And He instructed me to, "Place your hand inside your coat." (which I did) and then He told me to pull it out again and they were like normal again. And the LORD said: "Do this, (before them) and they will know (hear)."

I cried all the way home, I didn't have the faintest idea of what to do, how to do it or where to turn. I only knew from Whom I had heard, -that this was NOT my doing but His.

Periodically, by His Spirit the LORD repeated His command: "Go, speak into the ears of the Leaders of My people" -at times He also said: "Declare unto them their sins" -but I did not know what sins they were He meant! -I had no understanding about all these things. I earnestly continued to cry out to the LORD day and night for Him asking Him to give me understanding. Then one day the LORD said: "Go to the pastor and his wife (the pastor and his wife were considered co-pastors) and say to them: "Thus saith the Lord: fast, pray and repent" "Tell them I want ALL the Churches to fast, pray and repent." (repent of what, at first I had no idea)

So I told the pastor and his wife what I had heard. And the pastor began asking me what I thought was wrong with the church that I thought it needed to repent? The pastor and his wife repeatedly asked me: "Now WHY would the LORD tell you that?"

I tried to tell them it wasn't my idea! I told them I would go back and ask the LORD and would see if He would tell me why. (They scoffed at that.) But I did go before the Lord and I asked if it pleased Him to tell me why He was telling me these things and when I asked the Lord that, the LORD SAID: "Go, Tell the pastor, I want him to ask Me that."

When I went to the pastor and respectfully told him what the LORD had said, he and his wife got very angry with me and told me that if I had a problem with their church, I could go somewhere else. They told me I was being judgmental and that I should repent of coming against God's anointed.

I was devastated. I cried for weeks and to my dismay, the LORD told me to go back to the man and tell him the SAME thing!

"Tell him, the LORD said: all the Churches are to fast, pray and repent" (emphatically stated!) And the LORD also told me to remind the pastor that it was "not his church" AND I was to tell him: "the LORD SAID: humble yourself, pray, seek My Face, turn from your wicked ways."

Over the course of approximately one year's time, the LORD sent me to speak privately with the pastors approximately 5 to seven times that year. Their reaction progressed from trying to reason with me, asking me if someone had offended me, asking me what I had against them personally etc. and I kept begging them to not take it personally; I kept telling them it had nothing to do with my personal feelings (in fact, I loved them both and the church.) Still he and his wife just kept asking me WHY was "I was saying these things" and WHY did "I think the churches needed to repent" -and of what? (I told them I did NOT know; I told them that it was NOT my idea and that I was not trying to cause trouble; I told them repeatedly that I loved them & the church and I was only trying to obey the LORD in what He said. In turn, they told me it was not the LORD, that I was being too negative, judgmental and critical and that I was out "of order" -and I was warned to repent of touching God's anointed.

I decided (since the pastor and his wife were God's anointed leadership, and since none of this seemed like it was God to them, and I was just a new believer) they must know best. So I decided it (all this) must not be from the LORD and I went to the LORD and begged Him to forgive me for "coming against His anointed." I told the LORD I would rather die than touch His anointed &/or disobey Him. I asked Him to grant me repentance and promised the LORD I would not do it again.

The Lord did not regard my "promises or pleading" and instead (regarding how the pastor and his wife accused me of being judgmental, and negative in what they thought was my own personal, critical view of their ministry) the LORD reminded me: not everything that seems negative to us is of the devil -though many harden their hearts from hearing the LORD by wanting only smooth or positive sounding words! The Lord also reminded me that no matter how negative His Testimony is against: our ways and doings, -it is still for our ultimate good and should not be considered evil. The Lord also reminded me of what I had seen about the angel with the sword coming upon the land and He admonished me to warn the people. He showed me the scriptures concerning all this, concerning all that He had told me AND concerning the reaction of the leadership. I did not know what to do: who to obey. I decided that it must not be the LORD since there seemed in my mind no logical reason for all this to be of the LORD. (How could God be saying all this about His Church?) As far as I could see the pastor and his wife were in the best position to know -and they had told me: for me to continue to come to them to tell them these things was "rebellious" on my part. So decided it was best to submit myself to their counsel and I abided by their decision.

Privately though I agonized within my heart, it seemed such a dilemma. Much to my dismay, when I begged the LORD to tell me what to do, He just told me the SAME thing: "Go to the pastor, tell him the LORD SAID: ALL the CHURCHES are to fast, pray and repent." (This was with MUCH emphasis) But I tried to discount this as not being of God while at the same time, I asked the LORD to have mercy upon me and confirm His word to me.

All of these things had taken place in private between the pastors and myself. One afternoon, a woman from the church came to me and said: "The LORD told me to tell you two things: (1) His servants speak His word (2) You are rebellious."

(Because of what the pastors had said) I took that to mean that the pastor and his wife (as the LORD's servants) were right and that I was rebellious. So I spent a year fasting each week, praying, and repenting! I continued to read the word of God daily -as I had done from the beginning. My husband (who had also accepted the LORD within a few weeks after I had) and I signed up for a discipleship class.

I went to the LORD and asked Him again, what I should do to serve Him: and a vagrant man (an outcast from the church) came to the door while I was praying -and just as the LORD said: "Feed my sheep," the man knocked at the door. So I took the man home, fed him, gave him some clean clothes and gave him what little money I had to spare for a place to stay. Each time I asked the LORD what I was to do, He said each time: "Feed my sheep" and each time (on three different occassions) the same man showed up at the door of the church and knocked. He was an alcoholic (cf. Isa. 28:3 & Joel 1:5) who was sober for about three years but was a drifter without work.

Together with our pastor, my husband and I decided that we were called to a feeding (giving) ministry for the poor, but every time we tried to put it together to do so, the doors kept closing. So I went back to the LORD and sought Him again regarding what He wanted me to do to "feed His sheep" and the LORD SAID: "Go speak into the ears of the Leaders of My people..." (we have a tendency to forget that pastors are sheep too.)

Then toward the middle of 1986, I was praying at the foot of the altar at the church one afternoon late in the day. When I had gone in to pray that day the LORD directed me to pray that "Jesus Christ would be revealed in the hearts of His people".

While I was praying (that Jesus Christ would be revealed in the hearts of His people) there was a huge explosion of Light and I got knocked back off the step of the altar where I had been kneeling and when I tried to get up, I fell (was "spiritually knocked") forward on my face -face down like a dead man (though I cannot describe that any better) and as I lay there face down to the floor at the foot of the altar, I saw a huge Golden Door Open in heaven and I given to see and hear some things (among which I was told: "it has begun.")

When I afterward inquired of the LORD what that "it" was -He told me: the (unfolding or unveiling) revelation of Jesus Christ had begun. The LORD gave me the understanding that this was spoken concerning the unfolding -not just "of things" in the Book of Revelation -but the unfolding of the Revelation of Jesus Christ.

That following Sunday during worship service I was told by the LORD again: "it has begun" I reminded the LORD (that months earlier) He had told me: "it would begin: when the ram's horn is blown in the church."

That evening at the Sunday night service the assistant pastor brought in a ram's horn and blew it in the sanctuary of the church at the END of the service. The next night they had a leadership meeting during which they passed the ram's horn around and everyone blew the ram's horn.(I myself had no knowledge what had transpired at the meeting -or that they even had a meeting.)

The LORD told me to tell the pastor what He (the LORD) had told me to tell my husband and Melinda about "it would begin when the ram's horn was blown in the Church" and the LORD directed me to also tell the pastor that the LORD had also said: everyone in leadership would blow the ram's horn. The pastor looked very surprised and concerned and then said: you had no way to know this but we had a meeting Monday night and everyone in the leadership was there and everyone in the leadership blew the ram's horn.

The following week the LORD sent me to speak to the pastor once more to tell him -not only did the LORD say that the "Churches are to fast, pray and repent" but also: that the LORD SAID He is "wroth with His people." When I did, the pastor turned to me and in a very exasperated tone he said, "Look God's people have ALREADY repented AND BESIDES: God does NOT get angry with His people."

As I stood on the steps of the Church -I asked the LORD: Lord, did you hear what he just said? the LORD said: "Yes, I heard what he said" then, I heard the Holy Spirit saying -in lamentation: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock" I asked: LORD, did I tell him what YOU said? and the LORD said: "yes." And I asked the LORD, did I do it right Lord? and He said: "Yes"

I looked at the pastor getting into his car with his family and in my heart I cried out to the LORD: Oh God, help us -we do not understand, LORD please help him -and me. I looked up into the night sky and out of sheer frustration at my own lack of understanding I said: "LORD: What IS THIS all about, anyway?" and the LORD SAID: "pray that your flight be not in winter" and I thought (again in sheer frustration) Oh, thanks Lord, you know how dense I am. Then as I got into my car, and I also remember I thought to myself "to me that answer is about as clear as mud" and I cried all the way home in my car.

From Nov. of 1985 it was almost a year to the date after the Lord had first sent me to speak to the pastor.. Just before RoshHaShanna of 1986 (I knew nothing about the feasts of Israel, what they were or what significance they have) there was a sense of urgency to the call to repent and an awareness of imminent judgment.

After the feast of the Blowing of the Trumpets -which was also when that ram's horn was blown in that church) I noticed that the message I was getting changed from warning of judgment to judgment "in progress."

Shortly thereafter (in the latter part of 1986) the LORD gave me a list of principalities and powers that the LORD told me He Himself was unleashing against the Churches -the reason He later gave was: He did so in order to oppress/afflict -in the hope, that in the process of oppression by the enemies of our souls, we would humble ourselves and turn again to the Lord from our apostasy. In a church service one day -the LORD pointed out to me how people were praying: binding and claiming the power of the Blood of Jesus against the activity of these spirits -and the LORD SAID: "it will do them no good to bind it (this tide of evil) even claiming the Blood of Jesus, -not even the mightiest prayer warriors will not prevail against it (against this tide of evil) ...BECAUSE I SENT IT"

You can choose to be offended, and/or you can stubbornly -in the idolatry of man's mind, resist the truth of that statement in your own mind and in your own understanding, -or you can humble yourself and ask the Lord.

The LORD Himself compared His outpouring/unleashing of demonic spirits against the churches an outpouring of locusts (cf.Joel 2 & Rev.9)

Because of statments from the Lord concerning things like that, I was told I was too negative, too critical; I was judged as being judgmental and was invited to leave that church, and the next church... It was decided (by the first church) that I was "praying against" -and not "for the church" and so the key (which I used only to go to pray at the church) was taken away. I was later physically barred from entering the building even to attend the services. Although I only spoke a few times to the pastor and his wife privately ...their conclusions about my "evil motives" became well-circulated among the leadership/who were also their close relatives, all of whom decided that I had a personal (now considered) "demonic grudge" against the pastor and his wife. But the grace of the LORD was (and still is) a wonder to me. The LORD told me when they would ask for the key back and how they would ask me etc. and gave me the grace not to be offended and sovereignly worked His forgiveness in my heart toward them. It helped knowing that they did it ignorantly -out of self-defense, and in fear. I regretted they could not see that: none of what the Lord sent me to tell them was ever supposed to have been taken personally by them.

If only they had not been led in their minds by feelings, there would have been no place for offense; their reasoning and feelings would not have clouded the discernment of the Spirit of the Lord had they set aside their personal feelings of offense when going to Him; and they need not have been hurt (by their own misunderstanding of these things) -yet as is so often the case with us humans, it was far easier for them to accept the idea that I was just being judgmental (many times they expressed those sentiments) and it was easier to beleive that I personally had something against them &/or their ministry then it was for them to believe it was the Lord. And it was also because they themselves could not see or comprehend how these things could be true.

When the LORD puts people on your heart to pray for them, they are there to stay and still over 12 years later -though I am now in another state, I still pray for that pastor, his wife and family.

Weeks before my husband & I were "invited to leave" -in a vision the LORD had shown me another church building (which I later recognized actually did exist in the local community) and in that vision the LORD showed: -me, going to each of several doors of this church and knocking: to ask if I could come in to pray there. In the vision I was also shown a white haired man opening a side door, I saw and heard myself tell the man that "I was looking for a place to pray." I was given a specific date: to go to that ministry to pray. Without my realizing it, -that vision unfolded exactly as it was given.

The LORD showed me where the church was while I was out running errands one day; and on the date I was given, I went there. I went in the middle of the week in the middle of the afternoon. I thought I must have missed God, I was sure no one was there. When no one answered when I knocked on the front door, I was going to leave. But the Holy Spirit directed me to try another door -but did not tell me which door. So I went to the side of the building and tried a door facing the side street, but again there was no answer. And again, the Holy Spirit directed me to go to another door; and I knocked again.

I was just about to walk away when a white haired man opened the door, stuck his head around the corner of the door (just as I had seen in the vision) and asked: "May I help you" Without thinking, I found myself answering: "I was looking for a place to pray."

The Holy Spirit had instructed me that I was to go to this church and pray (daily) as I had done at the previous church. But I wondered if that was indeed true or was I just replicating what I had been told to do at the previous church.

At that point the Holy Spirit gave me a word -that in three days, the pastor would come to me and offer me a key to come to pray. Though I never mentioned anything to this pastor or anyone at this church about praying at the previous church & did not mention wanting access to this building for any purpose, the pastor came to me three days later and offered me a key (for which I had not asked) which he told me was given so that I could come and pray every day.

My husband became involved in that ministry. He began helping at work-nights and teaching Sunday school. I enjoyed helping out in the pastor's office with things like the church bulletin -but could not continue because doing so caused my physical condition to worsen -but by Grace, I did go to the church to pray.

Now that we were in another ministry, all I wanted to do was blend into the woodwork. I did not want to rock the boat. But I no sooner started going to the Church to pray when people began to complain -some said it interfered with rehearsing their music in the main sanctuary, so with the pastor's permission I began using the basement chapel. Then a group was formed that needed that room to themselves. Just as at the previous church -space after space was tried, even an empty classroom but I was asked on more than one ocassion (at one of the ministries) if I would stop praying & vacate the classroom so they could use the room to teach a class on intercessory prayer!

One place after another was "unsuitable or inconvenient" for me to use. Like the former church, it was decided it was not convenient for me to use the classrooms, or the main sanctuary, or the basement, or the children's chapel -where the youth group wanted the space to themselves for their activities: to rehearse plays, hold meetings etc.

At the direction of the Lord, we obtained the pastor's permission to modify an old heater room in the bell tower to partition off approx. a 5X5 square ft. space (at our own expense) for anyone's use: as a prayer closet. It cost the ministry nothing: we put in a ceiling fan for air circulation, there was no heat or air conditioning in the room, only a single lamp which I brought from home and a child's foot stool to lean on while I prayed.

Before long I was accused "of thinking I was too good to pray in the main sanctuary" by some, -while others argued that I should stay in the bell tower leaving the sanctuary free for their own use. Although I tried to make sure I came to pray when no one would be at the church to be disturbed, people STILL claimed I prayed at church only "to be seen of men." To make matters worse, often when they were having potlucks: the LORD asked me to stay upstairs and fast and pray.

Later -though I did not understand, the LORD told me: "it will be a sign to them that you do not eat a meal with them" (which I did not know what that meant nor did I know it was in the Bible until almost a year later -I even thought: what kind of a "sign" is it if they don't see it and don't understand it any more than I myself did?.) The people soon complained I was anti-social and was acting "holier than thou." But I did not stay long after the services and socialize because I had a handicapped child at home with an inoperable tumor in her windpipe. Every Jonah has his whale -in addition, I suffered the loss of my own health, then my husband died, and my house was tossed in an earthquake. I ran from the LORD: fearing man more than I feared God, I was rebellious toward God in refusing to go where the LORD told me to go and by trying to hide -refusing to speak what HE gave & sent me to speak in His Name.

At church, I tried to be as friendly and polite as possible, went out of my way to say Hello etc. I even tried to explain why I could not stay and socialize...but in their minds they related the problem to: a child having asthma -even when they saw my daughter (even with her tracheostomy tube she seemed healthy to them) -they had no idea what my husband and I went through just to try to have any semblance of normalcy to our lives.

One day the LORD said: the pastor will come upstairs and ask you to stop praying and come down to join them for the potluck in the "fellowship hall" You are to tell him the LORD SAID you are not to do so. A few minutes later the pastor came up the stairs, stuck his head into the room, apologized for interrupting and said: "the people in the church are wondering why you are up here instead of down there..."