"Feed My Lambs" "Go and Go Now"
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I told the Pastor that I was just trying to obey the LORD and that the LORD had even told me that he (the Pastor) was going to come upstairs and ask me to join them downstairs but that the LORD specifically told me to tell him that the Lord said that I was not to do so. To that the pastor replied: "the Lord would not have any reason for you not to join us -you pray (more than) enough He won't mind if you stop praying and join us; the people are beginning to talk and the council members are even asking me about this. -besides, aren't you hungry?" And I said, "Pastor: please ask them to forgive me if I have done anything to make any of them think I do not want to be with them. I am not trying to be antisocial and - yes, I am hungry, but I am also just trying to obey the LORD."

Things went pretty much the same as it did in the other Church. I was upstairs praying one day and the Lord said: "If I wrote Martha, Martha across the sky -the churches still would not understand." I said: "Forgive me, LORD -but I do not understand either, if it pleases you, would You please give me understanding."

Another day while praying at the church, all of a sudden the LORD SAID: "Go to the pastor (who was downstairs, across the building in his office) and tell him: the LORD sent you to tell him that he is TO ASK THE LORD what difference is there (-with the understanding expressly given by the LORD that in His Sight, the LORD HIMSELF was saying there was NO difference) "between what Dr. Cho is teaching (& doing) -and Christian Science"

Please understand that I DID NOT know what that meant. And I did not know what the pastor thought about Dr. Cho or his ministry. I did not know much of anything about Dr. Cho or what he teaches -only that he had a prayer mountain and a tremendously large church somewhere in Korea (I think) and I also knew NOTHING at all about the Christian Science Church or about Religious (Mind) Science! But that did not stop the pastor from pratically coming unglued when I told him what the LORD sent me to tell him that he was to "ask the LORD"

And the pastor did not listen when I tried to tell him that it was not my idea, and that I myself knew nothing about the man or his ministry or what he taught, -I only knew what the LORD had told me to say and do.

The pastor took up an offense against it -and me, and began railing at me for daring to criticize a great "man of God" like Dr.Cho -and he went on and on about what a huge ministry the man had ...but quietly -and with all due respect for his position, I told him it does not matter what either of us think, or what we (as human beings) think we know -I told him: Pastor, the LORD told me to tell you to ASK HIM what difference is there in His Sight, -and that the LORD SAID: there is NO difference in His Sight between the two.

With the pressure the pastor was getting from the counsel members that kind of interaction only made my motives seem suspect and seemed to increase the pastor's hostility towards me. The LORD had directed me to go to this church daily to pray and the LORD knew that in my heart that is all I wanted to do, and I was acting in obedience in what He directed me to say and do.

The anger of the LORD became kindled against the pastor, the church leadership and several long-standing members of that ministry -even though He Himself told me that He was angry with them, He also Himself constantly put it in my heart & gave the grace to intercede for them.

I complained to the LORD about being a stumbling block to others -because I went to the church to pray every day ...and at that point the LORD expressed outright indignation that one of His children should be made to feel that way because of praying in His House! Still -when I continued to ask the LORD if it would not be much better if I could just pray only at home and told Him I was concerned about how it had become something to talk about, the LORD said: "Do not concern yourself about what men think or say, I Myself will render to them accordingly."

But the gossip continued and it seemed the more I tried not to be seen of men, the more they seemed to watch every move I made. Occasionally, when having coffee and donuts before the Sunday service, more than once I was asked what could I possibly pray so much about. I told them: since the Lord had directed me to pray in the Spirit, I prayed in my prayer language mostly for things I did not know to pray for but that the LORD had directed me to pray always on behalf of other people's needs, not my own (cf. Job 43:10) When they heard that some became indignant others defensive acting as though I was commenting on their prayer habits, when in fact I was not and it had not entered into my mind.

If anyone happened to come into the church even to clean, they would talk & tell others they had heard me crying, or singing or praying -some even complained that I wept when I prayed (even though alone in the building.) To my utter amazement these things became the subject of criticism. Once again, the Lord extended great grace and turned all these things into opportunities for prayer. When it got back to me that people were complaining about praying (even upstairs, alone in the empty church at midday in the middle of the week) -in sheer frustration with this whole thing I asked the LORD: IS there ANY place in Your House to Pray? and the LORD said, quietly: "Now you are beginning to see" (but I did not know what He meant.)

After a while -though I refrained from discussing it with anyone, the number of times a week I came to pray -sometimes more than once a day, -and even the amount of time I spent praying (which was determined by the Lord who gave the grace to pray and a release to end praying) became such an issue with people soon even this pastor and his deacons became suspicious minded and began to question my motives.

Around that same time the LORD told me one day to stop attending the regular services at that ministry -to continue to go there, but only to pray. And the LORD also made known to me: as soon as you stop attending the service and when you stop tithing there, -not long afterwards you will be asked to give your key back -and you will be told, i.e., the reason they will give is: "because all you do is come here and pray -you do not contribute anything else to this ministry -so we cannot allow you to use our church to pray."

Less than six weeks later those were the very sentiments that began to stir. I begged the LORD to let me give an offering -to the church, to the pastor -anything, but the LORD was immovable. Even if I did not understand, regardless of what men thought about what I was doing or why they thought I was doing it, I did not dare to disobey the LORD and He made sure I knew it -I agonized over it and had no idea what He was doing -or why (?)

A couple of weeks later, when I was on my way home from prayer one night, the LORD SAID: the pastor is going to speak to you to demand you contribute financially to their ministry. He will tell you "if you cannot see your way clear to support this ministry with your tithes, -then they have decided you are to give your key back." You will be told that unless you decide to give financially to the ministry, the pastor and his counsel members have decided you may not use their church to pray. Then the Lord told me: when he tells you this, you are to say to him the LORD SAID: if you ask for the key back, it will be the death of your ministry.

Before the end of that same evening, I no sooner entered my house from my car through the garage when my husband handed me the phone and the Pastor did just that.

Stating the very reasons the Lord had told me the man would give, the pastor asked me for the key back. Although I tried to warn him as the LORD had said, he told me: "I do not believe that was the LORD" and tragically (I did not know until almost 1 1/2 years later) that a year to the date of that conversation, he lost his ministry. (*Many churches lose their ministies because of just these kinds of things!)

In 1989 I was kneeling in an Assembly of God church praying when suddenly there was the sound of a rush of wind around the building and I was taken in the Spirit and made to stand on the expanse of the Universe. Across the expanse of the Universe (which I was made to understand was His Court) off in the distance I saw the King sitting upon His Throne -and I kid you not, my very first thought was: I am a dead man, my eyes have seen the King -and I stood trembling in His Presence.

To my great relief, I saw Him extend something toward me in His Right Hand -and I saw that it was a Golden Scepter and He slowly and deliberately pointed it towards me -and then, I knew my life was spared. And I heard a decree of Destruction had gone forth from the Almighty -and the Holy Spirit commanded: "Pray: Spare thy people O Lord."

At first I thought to myself, wait a minute -this cannot be -that was Esther wasn't it? (not knowing she is one type of every believer's call to intercession) nevertheless, by His Spirit from deep within the depths of my spirit came forth the cry: "SPARE THY PEOPLE O'LORD!" And I heard His reply, asking: "WHEREFORE?" And when I heard that, I asked: "Holy Spirit, Please tell me, What do I say?!" and the Holy Spirit said: "Say: -not for our sake but for THY NAME' SAKE." And I did so. And just as soon as I did, I again heard the sound of a rush of wind and I was once again, kneeling -trembling on my face in the sanctuary of the church which was now dark. (I asked the LORD later what that sound of wind was and I was told it was the sound made by the wing of an archangel.)

Another time, I was on my way down my hallway at home. I was headed for my room to take a nap. I was in pain and very tired. The LORD asked me if I would pray instead. I asked if I could please take a little rest first, but then repented and knelt down in the other room to pray. As it happened my husband was outside using a motorized hedge trimmer to cut the bushes in front of the house just below that particular window -so I thought: see Lord, it really isn't a good time to pray, let me rest until he's done so I can concentrate better (I am telling you this because I want you know I am not talking about somebody who was trying to be super spiritual about all this kind of stuff!)

In response to what I had been thinking the LORD directed me to think "upon His Name" -and so I very mechanically and half-heartedly began mentally and verbally rehearsing all the names of God I could think of: Lord God, Lamb of God, Son of God, Prince of Peace, Lord of All, -and then I said to myself, fine and if this does not help me overcome that noisy distraction, I am going to go in the other room and take a nap! ...King of kings, Lord of lords, Shepherd and Bishop of Souls, the LORD Our Righteousness... and the next thing I knew (whether in the body or not I do not know) I was taken up to the heavens.

I saw billowing clouds of glory, and I saw heaven opened and from the vantage point or view from the side -I saw the Son of God sitting at the right Hand of the Father. I stood in awe as I beheld Him in His glory -and as I did, I saw Him slowly turn His Face towards me and He caused His Face to shine upon me -and as He did so, wave after wave of things which cannot be spoken were made known to me in the Spirit as the Light of the His Face shown upon me, it was a Light sooooo brilliant that I could not see His Face for the Brilliance of the Light of the Glory of God that shown from His Face. In my peripheral vision I saw things flitting up and down in before His Throne -and as soon as I began to wonder what they were, I was immediately told they are the angels of God ascending and descending before His Throne.

I am not telling you this to impress you, but only in the hope that you might consider what the Lord has sent me to speak in His Name -not as something I just decided or "gleaned from scripture." On the other hand, neither do not want you to get the idea that I base anything that I tell you upon experiences alone. All that it has pleased the Lord to make known, He Himself has led me to His written word and He has taken me through His written word from the Book of Genesis through to the Book of the Revelation of the Lord Jesus Christ and confirmed all things that I have both seen and heard of Him.

One day when I was still living in Los Angeles, I was driving down the Hollywood freeway on the way home from Children's Hospital where my handicapped daughter was at the time. Although my thoughts were -as any mother's would be on my child and her condition at the time, all of a sudden the LORD broke through my thoughts and directed me to take the next exit off the freeway. In spite of the fact that all I wanted to do was get out of the traffic and find the least congested, fastest route home to get a shower and food, -the LORD led me off the freeway and down some side street adjacent to the off-ramp.

Then as I sat in traffic waiting at a red light wondering (complaining to myself) about why the Lord had me there, -as I sat there waiting for the light to turn green and the grid locked intersection to clear, I remembered to Whom I was mentally complaining and repented saying: Lord it is your Sovereign right to lead me where ever You desire according to Your purposes even if I do not understand. At that point the LORD called my attention to a Buddhist Temple across the street and then, He immediately directed my attention to a little white steepled Christian (Baptist) Church which sat directly across the street from the Buddhist Temple -and the LORD SAID: "They are teaching the SAME thing."

Lord forgive me, I did what I call a "Peter number" -I hastily corrected the LORD saying: "Not so, Lord. -they do NOT teach Christianity in a Buddhist temple." (He agreed that was true.) So I said, "Then THAT MEANS You are telling me they are teaching Buddhism/Hinduism AND idolatry in the Christian Church?" LORD SAID: "Yes, (indicating that is exactly what He was telling me) "they are teaching Hinduism and idolatry in the Christian Church."

I immediately put that in the mental file marked, "since I don't understand it, until I do I am not telling anyone about it file" -and I drove home.

I continued to pray for understanding. And the LORD continued to give it, as He also continued to take me through His Written Word -showing and confirming throughout His Word all that He was saying. And the more He showed me, inspite of all that He made known: I chose to fear man more than I feared God.

The LORD eventually sent me again a fourth and fifth time to the pastor & his wife to tell them the SAME thing: The LORD SAID He wanted ALL the churches to fast, pray and repent. And they became increasingly irritated, alienated and downright suspicious of my motives -some of the leadership were even beginning to suggest that I was sent by the enemy and that I was praying against -and not for their ministry.

That was the most hurtful thing that happened, I did not care what they said or thought about me personally but for them to think & actually believe I was against the churches was something I found so hard to bear. (But even that heartache the Lord carried for me.) Later on the LORD showed me: -due to much of what He MUST ALLOW in the lives of His people, He too -as much as He loves us, is still accused of being against rather than for us (whenever it concerns those things that seem negative or unkind, or even evil in the sight/undertanding of man.)

About 3 months before Rosh HaShanna in 1986 the Lord said: Tell your husband and tell Melinda (a friend who went to our church) the LORD SAID: "It will begin when the ram's horn is blown in the church." (and the LORD also told me: "all the leadership will blow the ram's horn") I had no idea what "it" the Lord was referring to but told Melinda and my husband what the Lord had said.
From the beginning in these things, I should tell you that the LORD continued all along to impress upon me that what He was speaking to this leadership at this particular church was not concerning this ONE church or THESE pastors only. On the contrary, it was made very clear from the very beginning: what the LORD was saying to one, He is speaking to All. That is not something I decided to "glean from scripture" either! The LORD Himself also made know what He has shown and told me, I did not receive it of men, neither was it of my own mind. It was the Lord who gave me these things to Go and speak in His Name to ALL the churches.

The LORD told me the things He was showing me (while I happened to be at this church and the others that came later) -He told me, those things applied to ALL. And yes, the LORD used the word "all" with the understanding that it meant just that "ALL" ...every believer in every church, every pastor, every priest, every prophet, every evangelist, every teacher, every minister in every ministry, in all the churches, including all the denominations, non-denominational, charismatic, non-charismatic...ALL.

The pastor and his wife, and their assistant pastor and his wife and their youth pastor (who was the pastor's son-in-law and his wife) all said the same thing: "if this is God, -since we are God's anointed and appointed leadership, -then why did the LORD not tell us, first?

Although I would not recommend that anyone do this, I gave the LORD an ultimatum. I was desperate for an answer to that question (since I firmly believed that it was scriptural) so I told the LORD that if this really was HIM telling me these things to tell them, HOW was I to answer that question: what am I to say when they ask me if this is God, since we are His anointed and appointed leadership (and I believed then and do so now believe they are) -then how is it the LORD did not tell them first?

In prayer I gave that "ultimatum" to the Lord, begging Him with tears of anguish to forgive me for requiring an answer of Him but refusing to do any more (for fear of coming against His anointed) unless He have mercy upon me and give me an answer to that question to give to them. Later that same day, having no clue of any of this or what I had prayed and asked the Lord, my husband (who was a Postal worker) came home from work that afternoon, and he marched into the living room -interrupting my friend Melinda & I as we sat talking in the living room, he pointed his finger right in my face and said: "while I was at work casing the mail today the LORD SPOKE to me and the LORD TOLD ME TO TELL YOU that THE LORD SAID: the next time He sends you to speak to someone in His Name -and they say to you -if that is true, why didn't God tell us first, -the LORD SAID you are to say to them: HE JUST DID."

I burst into tears; all year long I had been fasting and praying and repenting before the LORD for being "rebellious".

I had been told by the leaders that I was being rebellious TO GOD because I had spoken what I believed I had been sent by the LORD to speak in His Name! But I had disobeyed the LORD and became rebellious to the LORD when I chose to believe what I was "told by men" was my own disobedience "for coming against His anointed leadership" (because TO THEM I was rebellious. TO THEM, I was rebellious because in THEIR MINDS: they simply refused to believe that the Lord had sent me to speak these things! They refused to humble themselves before the Lord to inquire of Him. And it was much easier for them to say that I was rebellious than to agree with God that they were both rebellious and apostate. TO THEM it was much easier to say that I was speaking things that "I only thought" the LORD had sent me to speak.

At the same time, -all year long, the LORD Himself was telling me that I was being rebellious toward Him for not speaking what He had sent me to speak in His Name. Which I also learned was the real reason why the LORD had sent a woman to my home to tell me I was the Lord's servant -not man's and that as His servant, I was to speak what the Lord gave me to speak in His Name. When started obeying the leaders (instead of God) I was in fact "being rebellious toward the LORD" -by agreeing with men that I was not supposed to speak those things which the LORD Himself really was telling me all along TO speak bodly, "in His Name"

The LORD kept telling me that I was to do so: whether they wanted to hear it or not, whether they believed it or not, even whether they wanted to receive it or not (but in the beginning, I did not know that too was scriptural.)

All through that year the LORD kept giving me the same scriptures -"if you see the sword coming upon the land and do not warn the people..." Over and over, -from Joel chapter two: "Blow the Trumpet in Zion, call a solemn assembly, declare a fast..."

While everyone else was dancing up and down the isles of the church with banners, all I could do was stand there and weep every time I hear that song! While the people waved handkerchiefs and danced around the sanctuary -as though they were God's victorious army that was going to take the city for God, He was telling me that WE were the city that the HE HIMSELF was going to conquer -and He was telling me the CHURCH was LIKE JERICHO to Him and that HE was going to tear down her walls -and the LORD said: His people were inside acting like a bunch of Hittites! I did not understand that either.

By the end of that year I couldn't stand hearing the song: "Blow the Trumpet in Zion" AND all that year (1986) it seemed as though that was the one song that everyone was playing -in our church, in churches I visited, on TBN -even the Catholic Church, -everywhere I went I heard that song ringing in my ears. And every time I heard it play, I began crying and going into travail, weeping in the spirit and I did not know why.

All that year, the LORD kept saying "Go: speak into the ears of the Leaders of My people!" I cried out in anguish before the LORD: God Please Tell Me -you KNOW how stupid I am, please have mercy on me, if You are telling me to tell them some thing, I don't know what it is! PLEASE Have Mercy upon me, LORD Please make it so that a blind man could not miss it!"

One day when I was home praying and the Lord showed me that scripture again from Joel chapter two: "Blow ye the trumpet in Zion..." and I started to cry -this time in sheer frustration because I just did not understand what the Lord was saying in that song! The Lord told me to turn the T.V. set on to TBN. I was so upset by then all I wanted was for the Lord to leave me to my frustration so I could enjoy my misery, but the Lord again directed me to turn (the T.V. set) on TBN -I said, Oh Lord, please. I do NOT want them singing at me right now Lord. (I just wanted to sit and cry.)

But with tears streaming down my face, I repented and reached over and flipped the television set on. And there was Carlton Pearson preaching something about Jacob's Ladder. I listened to him preach for a minute and then said: "that's nice Lord, -but Lord, -what does that have to do with what I am asking you about "Blow the Trumpet in Zion" and what it means right now concerning the churches?" And the Lord said: "listen" -so I listened to more of Carlton Pearson preaching.

All of a sudden, Carlton Pearson stopped in mid-sentence, then he looked straight into the camera and said: I do not know why the LORD wants me to say this right now (indicating it was off the subject at hand) but someone out there needs to hear this this right now: and then he pointed his finger (at the T.V. camera) in my face and said (something to this effect) I don't know why you people (in the churches) are parading up and down the aisles with banners, dancing and singing and rejoicing to the song "Blow the Trumpet in Zion" like it is a victory song or of rejoicing. Don't you people know that song is a call by the Spirit of the Lord to to His own people -a call to repentance, and prayer and fasting. (I later ordered the audio cassette tape from TBN -for the exact words Carlton had used.)

One day when I was on the way home from church one night, LORD said: "You leaned unto your own understanding in that vision I gave you of the seven churches" (I said, LORD Forgive me, how did I -i.e., in what way did I miss what you meant?) The LORD said, "in that you assumed that the white was the glory of God"

The LORD then told me that the churches -He had shown me "all painted over white & the signs all painted over white" -what we thought was the unity of the churches in the glory of God was NOT the glory of God. The LORD SAID: "that white was not the glory of God as you supposed" Then I asked: "LORD, what was that white?" and the LORD SAID: "Leprosy."

I asked the LORD for understanding: What do you (LORD) mean by "leprosy"? And the LORD called to my remembrance what He had showed me before about the Christian Church and the Buddhist temple. The LORD reminded me how He had said the churches were teaching Hinduism & idolatry AND how He had said specifically said that the Buddhist temple and the Christin Church were teaching the same thing. (After the LORD called to my remembrance what He had said about the Christian Church and the Buddhist temple teaching the same thing etc.) the LORD SAID: "That is the leprosy." Then the LORD SAID: "In that you assumed that (the white meant) the churches are all becoming one, -in that you were not wrong." And then LORD SAID: "The churches are all becoming one, but not in Me."

Although it meant absolutely nothing to me at the time the LORD first gave me a vision of the seven churches, ONE of the seven churches the LORD had shown me in that vision was a church of Religious Science (i.e., a church of metaphysical religious Mind Science) -of which vision concerning the churches the Lord also said: the churches are all becoming one, but not in Me.

Because the pastor was so resistant, I begged the Lord to have mercy upon us and entreated the Lord asking if He would PLEASE speak to the pastor concerning these things through someone else, someone in the pastor's own inner circle of his ministry. I asked the LORD if He would please speak to him through someone who was approved (trusted) in the pastor's sight. As it turned out, the following service the Lord did just that through the pastor's own favorite deacon.

While leading the worship service the following Sunday, the deacon announced to the whole church that the LORD had given him a vision which he said that the Lord had told him was concerning "the Churches" The vision was of the churches on a football field scrimmaging -jockeying for position, in competition against one another on a football field (as he spoke the picture he described was one like men fighting competitively over a PIG skin!) -and the deacon also told the whole congregation that the LORD had given him THIS verse of scripture and the Lord had told him that the verse went with that vision and that the vision and the scripture were given concerning "all the churches:" The deacon said, the LORD SAID: "My people have committed two evils, they have forsaken Me the Fountain of Living Waters and have hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns that can hold no water." (*note: this was spoken by the prophet Jeremiah to Israel's rebellious Leadership at the height of her apostasy!)

Prayerfully consider these "two evils" as our "wicked ways" comparing this verse of scripture from Jeremiah in conjunction with 2Chron.7:14 which the LORD is currently giving concerning the CHURCH in her current world-wide state of apostasy!

It would be wise for all of us not to try to exclude ourselves -as though any of us (including myself) are exempt from what the Lord is saying but instead call upon His Mercy and His grace to reveal how these things are true concerning us and our ways and doings -that He might make these things known to us and grant us all repentance, restoration and rest in Him!

Concerning those times I sat waiting at a red light refusing to "Go" when the Lord had told me to "Go and Go now" the LORD gave my husband a dream (though I had not discussed these things beforehand with my husband but had only taken them privately before the LORD in prayer) in this dream (which the Lord told me he had given to my husband) my husband said: in the dream the LORD Himself had told me to "Go, and Go now" three times but I had refused at first to go. My husband said I was in my vehicle, I was sitting at a red light waiting for it to turn green. He said I would not "GO" because I would NOT disobey the "law of the land." (continued on next page...)